Have you ever woken in the morning to the sound of your alarm buzzing in your ear and thought, “No way in hell I have the energy to get out this bed.” Little did you forget that you had an important meeting for work this morning? No you actually remembered, you just didn’t have the strength to slide your feet off the side of the bed and hustle to get moving and out the door.
I have been in this position more than once in my life and it wasn’t until about a year ago that I realized that many rash decisions I made in this form that could alter my life completely were more than likely a result of my chronic conditions.
Millions of people around the world have a chronic illness whether it’s fibromyalgia, migraines, or whatever else and everyone handles their situation differently, but more than likely their chronic illness affects their lives in at least one negative way. For me personally, I used to not think about my decisions prior to acting. I would think that my rash decisions were all due to my hard headedness and just didn’t care about the consequences. I never associated those decisions with my chronic illnesses that I was suffering from.
I knew that I made many rash decisions in my life that cost me thousands of dollars, time, money and stress, but it wasn’t until after I wrote my second book Rash Decision Making: Observe. Think. Proceed with Action that I really sat back and realized that I made a good portion of those split second decisions when I was in dire pain and just didn’t care. Split second decision making with everything in my life I would say personally was like an addiction because the more random rash decisions I would make, the more I would stay occupied and the more I would forget about the pain that was consuming my body.
I wrote the book due to I saw so many juvenile shoplifters steal. Many of them didn’t think before they committed the act and I thought to myself what rash decisions have I made in my past and what did I learn from them? I shared my experiences and what I learned from my rash decisions in hopes of changing the minds of individuals before they acted. I related many decisions to peer pressure by myself or others I witnessed, but I never thought until after it was released that many of my decisions were during a migraine or during major mood swings and emotional spirals that were caused by a pituitary adenoma that I didn’t know that I had that was playing havoc with my hormones and body in general.
It wasn’t until that gloomy day last spring that I as I pondered through the book proud of what I had written, I realized that I started experiencing extreme severe migraines when I was around 16 or 17 years old. I also had severe back issues with bulging discs due to a horseback accident and I recall being in the hospital constantly for one or the other. I remembered all the times I had a migraine and I just wanted to fit in with my friends and not be the sick girl always at home so I usually drank away the pain or partied until the late hours and didn’t give a crap about my decisions.
By the time I was 23, I was drinking like a fish 7 days a week, smoking, and just plain out of control and that includes with my decision making. Between October 2007 and April 2010 I had moved 11 times with 5 of those times being across the country. It was during this time that I developed cluster headaches although it wouldn’t be until a few years later that I was diagnosed with them or the pituitary adenoma that was altering my hormones and causing major mood swings.
Finally in 2011 when I was settled in the Midwest and my alcohol addiction and smoking was no longer a factor, I had time to relax per say even though I was a full time college student that and work consumed my life. I remember sitting at work when a full blown cluster attack happened. I just thought it was stress related and kept on with life. I made the quick decision as in it took me all of 2 hours to decide to finish school early so I doubled up on classes without even thinking. Three weeks after I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree I started a Master’s in which I doubled up on that as well even via my loved ones discretion. I was in so much pain at all times that I figured if I kept the adrenaline going it would all disappear. My rash decisions only got worse. I quit a great job on the spur of the moment and I obsessed about school and graduating and then I was already preparing for my Ph.D.
By the end of 2012 eventually my body crumbled. After running for 10 years on so many changes and so many rash decisions and all the negative effects of those decisions my body just plain crumbled. I reminisced back and only realized I had made a handful of positive decisions in my life and a countless number of negative. I was in debt up to my neck for what? Nothing.
I wasn’t putting my degrees to use any more, I was in such a deep depression that I had never seen before. I could barely get out of bed due to the pain of my headaches and due to I couldn’t believe I let my life go to shit. I gained 80 pounds and I was emotional and mean. Very mean. I honestly didn’t see my purpose in life.
I stayed this way for about 6 months. I began writing about something I wanted to write about for 2 years and I did. I wrote Life Saving Tips in 3 days in September of 2013 and it was released in October. Some say it is great information and others disagree. I personally have mixed feelings about the book and part of me wants to re-write it, but the other part of me is a reminder of where I was at that time and where I am at today.
In the beginning of 2014, after making excuse after excuse as to why my life sucked and was shitty due to my chronic illness I realized that I couldn’t start back down the path that I had led before. Yes, my chronic illnesses did play a role in everything I did in life, but I couldn’t let my illnesses rule my life anymore. I ended up listening to an old friend who is actually a fellow author, Lisa Cockrell and I met a new friend Michelle Homme. Both of these women were so positive in everything about life that I started to feel positive about life and I started looking at life and all the positives that life offered. ((You can type in their names on Amazon.com and their books will pull up)).
Yes, I have two chronic illnesses that will affect my life probably until the day I die. Yes, I have to alter my life completely around these illnesses. Yes, I have a hard time presently holding a job due to these illnesses and yes I could go on about all the negatives that a chronic illness brings to a person’s life, but what about the positives?
I had never looked at it that way until I started to change my life completely. I stopped making those rash decisions and with 95% of all decisions from that day forward I thought long and hard before acting on them. On that spring day, I also realized that I had I guess you’d say a bad habit or even an addiction to making rash decisions because they kept me on my toes and took the pain away every now and then, but now I had gained the ability to do just as I wrote about and just what the title of my book is. Observe. Think. Proceed with Action.
I gained the ability and strength to release all negativity and drama from my life for good. I thought about who was negative in my life and I weeded their asses out for they were only a plague to my illness and contributed to stressing me out and making my illness worse. I had the ability to set aside goals I had since high school and to make new goals. I had the ability to push through the pain of my chronic illnesses and adapt to them by working my life around them to enjoy what life has to offer. Once I got that positivity in my life and quit focusing on all the negatives in my life, I have managed to get through life in a positive manner even through the shitty days.
Yes, I am going to have crappy days in the future. I am well aware of what both of my illness will do to my body, but I can’t ponder and worry about it until those days come. When those days do come I still have to keep my head on straight and keep my head up and trek forward.
So in conclusion, here is my advice to you as it comes to negativity in your life as it relates to your chronic illness or just in general whether you have a chronic illness or not. You need to figure out a way to release the negativity. Yes, you are going to have shitty days as I just said, but you need to learn to look at the positives through those days. Alter your life around your illness. Don’t ponder on the things you can’t control. Release the negativity out of your life even it means eliminating people who mean the most to you. I’ve had to do that on multiple occasions. Surround yourself with positive people whether it is through a support group, church, clubs or whatever else. Exercise daily regardless how bad you feel. Exercising sucked a big one at first, but has made a vast positive impact on my life. Do things that you enjoy and quit sitting depressed about your illness although, you and I will both have our down days but don’t let those down days outweigh the good days. Do whatever you have to do to look at the positives in your life and do what I did and look at the positives of your chronic illness. If I wouldn’t have had these conditions, who knows if I would have ever decided to write or to start blogging and start helping others and changing and saving lives per say. Those are the positives in life that keep me going every day. Now it’s time for you to spread your wings and grasp on to your new positive out spin on the world. Remember negativity is around you at all times, it’s only up to you on how the outcome will prevail in the end. Good luck everyone and stay positive. Today may be started but every moment into the future from here on out is an opportunity for optimistic change.
Have a Great Day Everyone!
date clusters started
background - family, location, career, etc.